Saturday, October 13, 2007

frustrated (this entry came in before the previous entry)

October 8th, 2007

i am starting to get frustrated with what is happening w/ me right now. i would like to believe that something good will come out of this but i can't seen to get myself to ACTUALLY believe. what makes it worse is that the other person thinks that i am just doing this just because i feel like doing so. i hate it! when can he actually realize that i mean what i say? when can he fully believe that i am tired of waiting? that i am really sick and tired of dealing with his unkept promises and mismanaged priorities? i have set a deadline for myself...and he knows that. but he doesn't believe. i just hope it won't come THAT point. both of us won't like the result. but i made that deadline, and i plan to stick to it. arrggghhh!!!! i hate it!!

happy...i got my sign

i feel so happy...i never expected this to happen too soon...

i woke up in the morning feeling a little bit strange. i got a txt message from my boyfriend asking me a weird question. he gave me a hint when he asked me that question. but nevertheless, i just brushed the thought off my mind and spent the day as normally as i can.

noon came, and he texted me again asking me another strange question. my suspicions are getting stronger but at the back of my mind, i never thought he would do it this soon. i tried calling him but there was no answer. i was wondering, "wait a minute...a few seconds ago we were just txtng each other and then suddenly he can't answer my call?" hmmm...something fishy is going on.

he then called me and tried his best to act normal. and i thought to myself, "ahhh, i might be imagining things". so i went on with my work and stopped thinking about the strange signs.

he fetched me at the office at around 7:00pm. we were supposed to go to ATC, but he suddenly said that we should just stay there since it's already late. i agreed. then later on, he said, "kain tayo ha, minsan lang kita i-treat". ok, i agreed. he first bought me the shoes i was craving for and then we went to the restaurant. when we arrived, i noticed him glancing at the manager. hmmm...what the hell does that mean? i shrugged the thought off since i honestly do not believe that he could actually do it. and so, we took our seats and then gave our orders. after a few minutes the waitress gave us our drinks, and just a few seconds after, the manager took it away...sabi nya "ay baka hindi sa atin yun". ok, nothing there...a few minutes have passed and i am starting to feel really strange. our conversation was unnatural. he seemed tense and the scene was really weird. a few minutes more and the manager approached us and told us that everything was already arranged. i asked him why we had to transfer seats, ang sabi nya "mainit dun eh". so i just followed him and to my horror, we were heading to the function room. i don't know what to feel and think. "why the hell are we heading here?". and as we approached, i saw that our orders were already there and we had the room to ourselves. hmmm....

so we ate, and talked. he explained that he had it arranged since he missed me so much and wanted to spend time alone with me. we had another unnatural conversation, talking about his work, calculating how much the bill would be and actually telling me that he might not have enough money on hand to pay for it (which was all a drama, by the way) talking about a friend who recently broke up with his girl. throughout this conversation, i cannot seem to focus. there is something strange here...

he started getting all serious, talking about things that i have never heard him talk about before. he said that he feels sorry for our friend and was wondering if he was able to propose to the girl before they broke up, etc..etc.. he told me that he did not want the same thing to happen to him.

and then he reached for my hand...he started talking about us, about celebrating our 10th year, about how much he loves me and how much he wants everything to be perfect but can't seem to think of a way to make things even more perfect. at this point in our conversation, i was already feeling uneasy, i know something's up. i even tried to stop him from getting so serious because i am not used to it. but he just won't stop. he kept saying things that, honestly, i do not remember now. all i remember was when he asked me if "papakasalan mo ba ko?" i said "yes, naturally. we have been talking about it already". but then he repeated the question, "will you marry me?" i said yes...and then he showed me the ring and said, "then you'll have to wear this." at that point i started to cry...i don't know why..i'm just so happy because i just got my sign...God is good.

he slipped the ring into my finger, but i can't seem to look at it. he kept telling me to look at it but i just can't. i was just so elated! i was still crying...all i was able to say was "i love you"...

i am overwhelmed. i am happy...i cannot believe he planned all of that...and was sorry that the ring was not really the ideal ring.though admittedly it was not my dream proposal (and he knows that),but what the heck! i have him, don't i? for me that's enough. seeing him get all teary-eyed when talking to me, hearing him say things that he hasn't said before, and making me feel truly special (eh imagine, nakayanan nya magrequest na maoccupy namin ung function room!!! who wouldn't feel special about that?) i don't even care whether he proposes or not...we're going to get married and the proposal was just a confirmation that we ARE getting married.

i love him...that's all i can say...and i am happy...i love him, so much!