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Showing posts from 2014


My daughter went to school today.  Alone.  For the first time.

I don't know whether I'm happy or sad.  I'm surely proud of her for being so brave and independent at a very young age.  However, I also feel terrible because I can't be there for her.  I know I'm trying my best to be a good mom and to provide for all her needs.  But i still feel inadequate.

I still remember the time I went to school alone for the first time.  I was in Grade 1 and my father went with me on my first day of school and looked for a school service that would take me to school and back home.
On the second day, i was alone.  it was pretty much like what happened to my daughter.  except that today, shuttle services have their own "kuyas" to help the little ones with their things, unlike during my time.

I feel sad because this only means that my little girl is starting to be on her own.  Sooner or later she will be doing things on her own without our help.  And that just makes me sad.…

Separation Anxieties

The little girl's being extra sweet and clingy to me lately. Probably because she knows i'll be back to work soon. She keeps asking me how many more sleeps before i return to work and asks me what she would do if she misses me. She asks me to treat her like a baby and put her to sleep by cradling her and singing songs. 
Every night before she sleeps, she always tells me how much she loves me, her daddy, jakob, lolo and lola. And tonight, she suddenly came to me and held my face in her two little hands and told me, "mommy, lagi mong tatandan, mahal na mahal kita". And then she went on her usual tirade of questions about me going back to work.  And to make my heart melt even more, she told me that she wanted me to just stay at home and be with her and Jakob and that she would miss me when I go back to work.
Now, how can i resist a request like that? No matter how badly i want to just stay at home and take care of them, i just can't. Maybe, just maybe life will be bet…

Easy way out

Yesterday (February 22), i took the easy way out.
It's been almost a week since I gave birth to Jakob Caleb (separate post on my birthing story and the name).  I have been trying to breastfeed him since day 1 and I can say I was somehow successful on the first 4 days.  But came the 5th day...and i was literally crying and screaming every time I nurse him. Everything just seemed so wrong.  He was very fussy, probably because he can't get that much milk yet from me and I was scared of feeding him because i know how painful it's going to be.  We were awake from 1:40 AM until 7:00 AM just because he can't seem to be satisfied with my milk.
Jake decided on Saturday morning to buy him the recommended formula given by the pedia.  And we fed him the bottle, and he fell soundly asleep for about 3 hours.
I know i could have tried harder...but the bottomline is i don't think i can do it.  I have always admired mothers who breastfeed their babies without any problems and I'm …

Few hours away...

Finally, after 37 weeks of waiting, I am now admitted at the hospital and in a few hours I will be giving birth to our precious son, Jakob.
It's entirely different this time...i have more time to prepare and be scared.  Truth is, I'm not nervous. I'm scared...totally.  I want to cry everytime Jenika tells me not to be scared.  Not because I'm scared of needles and the operation.  But because I'm scared something would go wrong.
On the other hand, I am so excited.  After almost 5 years, we're gonna have another baby in the family.  And even Jenika is excited.  Tomorrow afternoon Jakob will be here...for real.  And I can't help but feel the excitement in my bones.
I'm pretty sure by the next post I write, Baby Jakob will be in my arms.  And Daddy, Jenika and me will be even more complete.

The calm before the storm

Exactly 1 week to go before my scheduled CS operation...and I'm starting to get more and more excited and terrified.

In a week's time, we'll have a new baby in the house.  In a week's time, I will be holding our precious boy.  In a week's time, Jenika will be an Ate.  And all of this suddenly came too soon.

I was browsing through my previous Birthing story post and I can't believe that it has been almost 5 years!  Everything seems to be clear in my mind.  The details from my admission to my discharge from the hospital is still clear and vivid.

Next week, I will be repeating those steps and this time, I will be more prepared.  I don't know it that is an advantage or not.

All I'm asking for is for me to have a safe and uncomplicated delivery and for my baby to come out healthy.

Health is Wealth

We just came home from Asian Hospital's ER.  No, it was not a case of preterm labor.  The hubby was not feeling well and we decided to bring him to the hospital.  Fortunately there was no need to confine him but we had to stay for about 3 hours so he can be hydrated thru IV.
I felt helpless and still feeling helpless until now.  I'm not used to seeing him weak.  He is the strong one in the family and i always depend on him.  But this time, i had to be the strong one.  Thank God he's feeling better though still feeling sick at least he is not that weak anymore.
My father also took the chance to have himself checked since his left eye was bloody red and. I suspect there must have been some broken nerve.  And I'm correct...there was some affected nerve and he had to undergo some medication.  What surprised me and probably him was that he needs to have himself checked by a cardiologist.  His blood pressure was really high.  He was a bit hesitant at first but I insisted that …

Jakob Niccolo

We have finally decided on a name!!
Actually, the name Jakob has been on our minds even when i was pregnant with Jenika.  We knew then that if we had a boy, his name would definitely be Jakob.  We chose that name and changed it from the usual spelling - Jacob - simply because of Jake's name.
The 2nd name, Niccolo, was the one we agreed on.  There wasn't much on our list of 2nd names because Jake didn't really want to have a second name for Jakob.  But i felt like we need to have one...parang bitin eh.  So, we finally agreed on Niccolo.
Jakob means "supplanter" and Niccolo means "people of victory".

Countdown to 37

I'm now on my 33rd week.  4 more weeks and the little bundle of joy who is currently somersaulting in my tummy will be with us physically.

I can't believe we're almost in the home stretch.  And I'm starting to feel excited and nervous at the same time.  I kinda hope I will be able to give birth on March but according to my OB, that won't be possible.  And honestly, I'm already looking forward to bringing this baby out.  I'm just excited to see him.

Everything is just so different for this 2nd pregnancy.  From the minor spotting that I had when I was only about 10 weeks on the way, to the "paglilihi" stage, to the appearance of my linea negra and "pagmamanas".  It's really true when they say that every pregnancy is different.  Now I can't which pregnancy is more difficult.

Aside from the worries of actually giving birth, I am also thinking a lot on how we will be able to cope with having another baby, without a helper, and both of…